


Company Secrets

by mothicalcreatures (laelreenia)



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Animal Death, Crack, Gen, Shinra Company, but it's like explicitly stated it's going to happen, it doesn't happen on screen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 23:18:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13375173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laelreenia/pseuds/mothicalcreatures
Summary: Why Reno isn't allowed to have a talking bird.





	Company Secrets

Tseng stared at the paper he’d just been handed in disbelief for several moments before looking up at Veld. “Sir, forgive me for asking, but why is getting rid of a _parakeet_ a top priority assignment?”

“When said parakeet is parroting classified information it’s a security problem.”

Tseng sighed. “I’ll take care of it.”

Veld nodded and left.

Tseng looked back down to the paper to look for the owner of said parakeet. Depending on who it was, he could probably assign a lower level Turk to take care of it. “Oh no.” The owner of the parakeet was _Reno_ , small wonder it knew classified information.

Tseng stood up from his desk, this was something he’d have to take care of himself. First order of business was to pay Reno a visit in the office he shared with Rude.

“What ever it was I didn’t do it,” Reno said, the moment Tseng walked through the door of his and Rude’s office.

“Well, unless someone else taught their parakeet names and locations of what are supposed to be classified burial sites of assassinated persons, it was you.”

Reno blanched. “It was an accident. I swear to Shiva, I did not actively teach it that. I just… mutter to myself, sometimes when doing paperwork at home…”

“And you have a bird that talks.”

“I have to get rid of Chester, don’t I?”

“Yes.”

Reno groaned. “Do I gotta kill him or can I just like, bring him to the office and have him be an office pet.”

“We do not need a parakeet that knows all of Shinra’s secrets, so no, it can’t be an office pet.”

“Right. Ugh. Guess I know what’s for dinner.”

Tseng wrinkled his nose. “You don’t have to _eat_ the bird, just get rid of it.”

“I’m not going to waste a perfectly good bird,” Reno said. “Just because it’s not chicken or chocobo, doesn’t mean it’s any less edible.”

Technically Reno does have a point and Tseng is reminded that Reno is from the slums, so in a waste not world when food was scarce… “I suppose that works.”

“Anything else?” Reno asked.

“No, no, that was it, just make sure the bird is disposed of and…” Tseng handed the official assignment sheet that Veld had given him over to Reno, “Make sure you submit the proper paperwork when you’re done.”

Reno cackled, plucking the sheet out Tseng’s hand. “Oh man, I thought this was just like a word of mouth ‘please fix this’ kind of thing, but there’s an actual death warrant for Chester, holy shit…” He wiped at his eyes which had teared up from laughing. “Man, this is just too good. Yes, my bird will be assassinated by night fall.”

Tseng nodded and retreated from Reno and Rude’s office.

 

Two days later a request form for a Gongagan Grey Parrot appeared on Tseng’s desk from one Genesis Rhapsodos and Tseng stamped it rejected without even thinking. A parrot in the hands of Genesis would almost be as bad as Reno’s parakeet, if not worse.


End file.
